Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
