I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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