My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
