I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
