She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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