And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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