Your dad touched me again.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
