Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You ruined the universe
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
