I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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