I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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