I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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