EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
