Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
