i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
