Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
