i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
