drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
