I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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