Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
