btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
