Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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