I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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