I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
