I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Randomize