It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
