my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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