whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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