I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
