I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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