Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
