I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
