I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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