omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
