If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
