Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
