just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need to calm my uterus...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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