Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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