Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Michael Bay diarrhea
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
