dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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