On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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