I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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