She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
