i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
