The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
