apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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