dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
