loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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