I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
