beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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