Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
