dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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