well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
