Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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