I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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