how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
