Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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