now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
