Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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