and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
