I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm like, not good at living.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
