jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
