a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
