I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
