You can't motorboat a personality
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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