Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
