Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
