I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
