After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
