The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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