How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
