i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
