You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
