...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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