Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
